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147 Pages123>»
Just for laughs...corner
marex
#1 Posted : Monday, January 04, 2010 3:47:22 PM
Rank: Member


Joined: 10/4/2007
Posts: 649
There was a time around 2000, when the chief justice of Kenya was BERNARD CHUNGA, while the attorney general was still AMOS WAKO.. The two names combined could make a meaningful sentence.. BERNARD, CHUNGA AMOS WAKO.

marex attached the following image(s):
laughing.gif (7kb) downloaded 17 time(s).
The way I am
anasazi
#2 Posted : Monday, January 04, 2010 4:23:34 PM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 6/8/2007
Posts: 675
lol. good one
Form is temporary, class is permanent
Wakanyugi
#3 Posted : Monday, January 04, 2010 5:15:30 PM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 7/3/2007
Posts: 1,537
Meanwhile the Darwin Awards for 2009 are out, and for the first time a woman has made it to the top ten:

"The Darwin Awards team is proud to announce the late, the great, the 2009 Darwin Award Winners! Named in honor of Charles Darwin, father of evolution, the Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool... by removing themselves from it. This award is generally bestowed posthumously."

See more here:

http://www.darwinawards.com/

"The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth." (Niels Bohr)
mwanitu
#4 Posted : Tuesday, January 05, 2010 5:29:33 AM
Rank: New-farer


Joined: 12/3/2009
Posts: 17
There's this friend of mine who was caught pants down with his missers...his plea was...'aki switi sikukuwa nimeingiza...' ...he he he
AM NOT A SAINT, UNLESS A SAINT TO YOU IS A SINNER WHO KEEPS ON TRYING
Intelligentsia
#5 Posted : Tuesday, January 05, 2010 11:55:37 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 10/1/2009
Posts: 2,430

Having lost his donkey Kamau from Ndondori got down to his knees and started thanking God. A surprised passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing, what are you thanking God for?”

Kamau replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."

* * *

Once Kiprotich was traveling in a train from Nakuru to Nbi. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train KShs 100/= to wake him up when they arrived at the station. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for KShs 100/=, enyewe Kiprotich surely deserved more service. So, when Kiprotich fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard.

When they arrived at Nbi Railway Station, Kiprotich was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw himself in the mirror. Said his wife

" What's the matter?"

He replied "The cheat on the train has taken KShs 100/= and woken up someone else!!"

* * *

Kioko and Mutua went into a pub and after ordering two beers took some sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat them.

"You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the stern pub-owner.
So Kioko and Mutua swapped their sandwiches and continued eating.

* * *

Wafula and Madegwa were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like hell.
So the other asked, "Why are you crying?"
The first one replied, "I came here for blood test"
Second one asked, "So? Are you afraid?”
First one replied, " No, not that. During the blood test they cut
your finger"
Hearing this the second one started crying & screaming. The first one was astonished and asked other,

"Why are you crying?"

The other replied, "Awuuii, I have come for my urine test."

* * *
Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied

"Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought and at last I wrote THUNK!!!"
marex
#6 Posted : Wednesday, January 06, 2010 5:18:53 AM
Rank: Member


Joined: 10/4/2007
Posts: 649
Mwai kibaki is on the bench getting intervioewed by jeff koinange.
Jeff: Mr President,What kiund of legacy would you like to leave behind?
Kibaki A subaru legacy, coz it cannot match the speed of my limousine
The way I am
Kamaa
#7 Posted : Wednesday, January 06, 2010 6:56:17 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 10/6/2007
Posts: 1,177
Location: Nairobi - Kenya
@ intelligentsia

you made my morning esp. that one for the kamau wa ndundori... i am not from those side...lol!
When you hear what I say, you will not understand. When you see what I do, you will not comprehend
poundfoolish
#8 Posted : Wednesday, January 06, 2010 9:35:46 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 12/2/2009
Posts: 2,419
Location: Nairobi
a Panda goes into a restaurant and orders for food. After eating, it stands, draws a gun and shoots, then leaves.
The owner of the restaurant follows the Panda asking for payment..
Panda turns, looks at him and asks the owner if he really knows what a Panda is, handing him a dictionary. so the guy checks..and there it is

Panda: large black-and-white herbivorous mammal of bamboo forests of China and Tibet; EATS SHOOTS & LEAVES !!!!!!!!
Intelligentsia
#9 Posted : Wednesday, January 06, 2010 11:07:10 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 10/1/2009
Posts: 2,430
It was a warm, sunny Sunday, so a man and his wife decided to take in the zoo. They spent the day and at closing time they walked past the gorilla cage and the man noticed the gorilla looking at his wife.

"That gorilla is getting excited just looking at your boobs," he said.
"Why don't you take your blouse off and we'll see what he does?"

At first she declined but finally persuaded by her husband, she took Off her blouse and bra. The gorilla went nuts. He started grunting and jumping up and down.


"Hey," the husband said, "let's really blow his mind. Take off all your clothes and we'll see what he does." Again she said no and again he persuaded her. This time the ape really went bananas! He climbed up and down the bars, did flips, ran around in circles and tossed his food all over the cage.

The husband went over to the cage, opened the door and pushed his wife in.

"Now," said the husband with an evil smile, "tell *HIM*, you have a headache!"
Intelligentsia
#10 Posted : Wednesday, January 06, 2010 11:10:15 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 10/1/2009
Posts: 2,430
Jesus was getting more and more annoyed at the drugs
problem on earth. He called an emergency meeting with his apostles
and after a few hours,they all decided that they needed more information. So the apostles volunteered to go on earth and to
bring back samples of each drug.

After a few days, the apostles start coming back.
- Who's there?
- It's Paul
Jesus opens the door
- What did you bring back, Paul?
- Haschich from Morrocco.
- Excellent, come in.

He then asks: - Who's there?
- It's Mark
Jesus opens the door
- What did you bring back, Marc?
- Marijuana from Columbia.
- Excellent, come in.
- Who's there?
- It's Matthew
- Jesus opens the door
- What did you bring back, Matthew?
- Cocaine from Columbia.
- Excellent, come in.
- Who's there?
- It's John
Jesus opens the door
- What did you bring back, John?
- Msokoto from Kenya.
- Excellent, come in.
- Who's there?
- It's Luke
Jesus opens the door
- What did you bring back, Luke?
- Speed from Amsterdam.
- Excellent, come in.
- Who's there?
- It's Judas
Jesus opens the door
- What did you bring back, Judas?
- FBI!!! Everyone against the wall!
Djagame
#11 Posted : Wednesday, January 06, 2010 10:37:31 PM
Rank: Member


Joined: 12/10/2008
Posts: 68
Location: Nairobi
GENIUS KIKUYU SON!!!!

Mwangi lived alone upcountry in the village.
He wanted to dig his sweet potato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard.

His only son Mwaura, who used to help him, was in Kamiti prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Mwaura,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my ngwashe garden this year.

I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.
If you were here, I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.

Love, Mwash

At 4 a.m. the next morning, agents from flying squad, kanga squad and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies.

They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

Go ahead and plant the ngwashe now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love, Mwash
"We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children" Native American Proverb
Robinhood
#12 Posted : Thursday, January 07, 2010 5:19:26 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 12/11/2008
Posts: 2,306
Intel, Lolest

Especially the one about the urine test...
Great men are not always wise, neither do the aged understand judgement...
brav
#13 Posted : Thursday, January 07, 2010 6:45:48 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 11/26/2008
Posts: 744
@GENIUS KIKUYU SON!!!! Applause
Intelligentsia
#14 Posted : Thursday, January 07, 2010 7:38:57 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 10/1/2009
Posts: 2,430
Patrick had a bad attendance record with the company he worked for, particularly being late for work in the morning.
He was called to a disciplinary hearing where he was given a chance to explain his reasons.

His argument: "I get up in de morning. I shower, I look in de mirror and try tuh straiten my hair. Den I sumtimes miss de texi and den I am late."

His boss has a bright idea. He gets one of Patrick's colleagues to sneak into Patrick's room and steal the mirror off the wall, without Patrick's knowledge. The following day Patrick does not turn up for work. The same happens the day after that. So Patrick gets summoned to another hearing to explain reasons for not attending work.

His argument: "I get up in de morning. I shower, I look in de mirror. I see no Patrick. I think Patrick already left for work"
Viva Patrick!!!!!
brav
#15 Posted : Thursday, January 07, 2010 7:47:35 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 11/26/2008
Posts: 744
...
Interviewer: Which languages have you used?


Candidate: English, Kiswahili, Kimeru. By the way, I can keep quiet in
German, French, Russian and many other languages.
brav
#16 Posted : Thursday, January 07, 2010 7:51:05 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 11/26/2008
Posts: 744
9 RULES OF LIFE FOR 2010
1 - Live to relax!

2 - Love your bed, it is your temple!

3 - Relax in the day, so that you can sleep at night!

4 - Work is holy, so don't attack it!

5 - Don't do something tomorrow, that you can do the day afterwards!


6 - Work as little as possible. Let the others do what needs to be done!

7 - Don't worry, nobody died from doing nothing, but you could get hurt at work!

8 - If you feel like doing work, sit down and wait until that feeling goes away!

9 - Don't forget: working is healthy! So leave it for the sick people!
marex
#17 Posted : Thursday, January 07, 2010 8:09:11 AM
Rank: Member


Joined: 10/4/2007
Posts: 649
Drool Pastor Muiru went out of his house and immediately the lights went off. Suddenly, a monkey jumped from a nearby tree charging towrds him. the pastor dashed back inside shouting "Kuna NUGU gizaaaani"
The way I am
carygoh
#18 Posted : Thursday, January 07, 2010 8:12:30 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 5/4/2008
Posts: 1,703
@djagame noma sanaApplause
Think Positive Test Negative
Intelligentsia
#19 Posted : Thursday, January 07, 2010 8:17:53 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 10/1/2009
Posts: 2,430
@ Brav and Marez LMAO!!!!

Marex, can we say a neighbour also started screaming and Muiru said: "Kuna NDURU gizaaaani"?

***
Subject: Simu........... Na Swaleh Mdoe

Kabla sijameza kope langu la maji hebu tafakari haya:

Mke na mume walisikizana wakitaka ngono watatumia code " kupiga simu" ili watoto wasielewe.

Basi siku moja walikua wameteta hawasemezani.

Baba akamtuma mtoto: " mwambie mamako nataka simu!"

Mama akamwambia mtoto: " mwambie imeharibika!"

Baba akanena: " mwambie basi nitakwenda kupiga nje"

Mama akamtuma motto: " Mwambie akienda kupiga nje na mimi nitafungua simu ya jamii!!!"
Intelligentsia
#20 Posted : Thursday, January 14, 2010 7:16:37 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 10/1/2009
Posts: 2,430
Only in nigeria do u get out of the shower and somebody still tells you OGA!
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