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7 Pages«<4567>
Child custody - married parents
Impunity
#101 Posted : Wednesday, January 11, 2017 5:14:48 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 3/2/2009
Posts: 25,359
Location: Masada
tnai9 wrote:
Impunity wrote:

I SAID AND REPEAT FOR 1000 TIMES, YOUR FRIEND IS A NERD.


d'oh!

nerd
nərd/
nouninformal
noun: nerd; plural noun: nerds; noun: nurd; plural noun: nurds

a foolish or contemptible person who lacks social skills or is boringly studious.
"one of those nerds who never asked a girl to dance"
synonyms: bore; More
informaldork, dweeb, Poindexter, nimrod, geek, drip, loser;
techie
"the nerds running the world's technology are certainly getting the last laugh"
a single-minded expert in a particular technical field.
"a computer nerd"


Ndio hiyo.

Portfolio: Sold
You know you've made it when you get a parking space for your yatcht.

Angelica _ann
#102 Posted : Wednesday, January 11, 2017 5:18:07 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 12/7/2012
Posts: 7,764
Impunity wrote:
tnai9 wrote:
Impunity wrote:

I SAID AND REPEAT FOR 1000 TIMES, YOUR FRIEND IS A NERD.


d'oh!

nerd
nərd/
nouninformal
noun: nerd; plural noun: nerds; noun: nurd; plural noun: nurds

a foolish or contemptible person who lacks social skills or is boringly studious.
"one of those nerds who never asked a girl to dance"
synonyms: bore; More
informaldork, dweeb, Poindexter, nimrod, geek, drip, loser;
techie
"the nerds running the world's technology are certainly getting the last laugh"
a single-minded expert in a particular technical field.
"a computer nerd"


Ndio hiyo.


Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly
In the business world, everyone is paid in two coins - cash and experience. Take the experience first; the cash will come later - H Geneen
Impunity
#103 Posted : Wednesday, January 11, 2017 5:44:52 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 3/2/2009
Posts: 25,359
Location: Masada
Angelica _ann wrote:
Impunity wrote:
tnai9 wrote:
Impunity wrote:

I SAID AND REPEAT FOR 1000 TIMES, YOUR FRIEND IS A NERD.


d'oh!

nerd
nərd/
nouninformal
noun: nerd; plural noun: nerds; noun: nurd; plural noun: nurds

a foolish or contemptible person who lacks social skills or is boringly studious.
"one of those nerds who never asked a girl to dance"
synonyms: bore; More
informaldork, dweeb, Poindexter, nimrod, geek, drip, loser;
techie
"the nerds running the world's technology are certainly getting the last laugh"
a single-minded expert in a particular technical field.
"a computer nerd"


Ndio hiyo.


Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly



Furthermore:

Quote:


con·tempt·i·ble
kənˈtem(p)təb(ə)l/
adjective
deserving contempt; despicable.

"a display of contemptible cowardice"

synonyms:
despicable, detestable, hateful, reprehensible, deplorable, unspeakable, disgraceful, shameful, ignominious, abject, low, mean, cowardly,unworthy, discreditable, petty, worthless, shabby, cheap


Portfolio: Sold
You know you've made it when you get a parking space for your yatcht.

hardwood
#104 Posted : Wednesday, January 11, 2017 6:09:56 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 7/28/2015
Posts: 5,174
I think it takes a special kind of man to raise another man's kid especially when they know its not their kid. Can you imagine the costs involved such as school fees from nursery to high school? Paying 40k per term from baby class to form 4 will cost you 120,000 per year X 15 years which is 1.8m. And then you add healthcare, food etc etc. The bill might go to over 3m.

This reminds me about the cuckoo bird which doesn't build a nest nor raise its young but rather lays it's eggs in other birds nests and the other birds gets to raise the cuckoo chicks with the cuckoo not incurring any expense at all. Much respect step dads.



Obi 1 Kanobi
#105 Posted : Wednesday, January 11, 2017 6:25:57 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 7/23/2008
Posts: 2,890
Kweli being a man is ngumu. They are roundly condemned if they don't support their offsprings, and now per this thread, this guy is a beast for trying too hard to support his child and have a relationship with her.

Flip this the other way round, what would happen if the X and the husband demanded that the man pays for his daughters upkeep. Would we condemn the man for refusing (assuming he refuses and tells the man that he married the wife and her daughter).

How do wazungu do this thing.
"The purpose of bureaucracy is to compensate for incompetence and lack of discipline." James Collins
Buster
#106 Posted : Wednesday, January 11, 2017 7:28:00 PM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 5/17/2007
Posts: 1,338
Obi 1 Kanobi wrote:
Kweli being a man is ngumu. They are roundly condemned if they don't support their offsprings, and now per this thread, this guy is a beast for trying too hard to support his child and have a relationship with her.

Flip this the other way round, what would happen if the X and the husband demanded that the man pays for his daughters upkeep. Would we condemn the man for refusing (assuming he refuses and tells the man that he married the wife and her daughter).

How do wazungu do this thing.

Applause Applause Applause
githundi
#107 Posted : Wednesday, January 11, 2017 8:03:31 PM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 11/19/2010
Posts: 1,277
Location: nairobi metropolitan
Obi 1 Kanobi wrote:
Kweli being a man is ngumu. They are roundly condemned if they don't support their offsprings, and now per this thread, this guy is a beast for trying too hard to support his child and have a relationship with her.

Flip this the other way round, what would happen if the X and the husband demanded that the man pays for his daughters upkeep. Would we condemn the man for refusing (assuming he refuses and tells the man that he married the wife and her daughter).

How do wazungu do this thing.

There isn't a blanket solution to any issue. For avoidance of doubt, he is only supposed to support the family of his ex girlfriend with their concurence, need or no need. It would be inappropriate if the family of his ex requested for his support to his 'daughter ' and he refused.
So it depends, on case by case basis.
And by the way @tnai9,considering that your 'friend ' your friend busted his ex with another man, maybe this girl is not his daughter biologically ....the mother might still be guessing who is the father if she had more than one partner.
Ya dunia ni mengiShame on you Shame on you
Democracy does not belong to the dead
tnai9
#108 Posted : Thursday, January 12, 2017 8:06:55 AM
Rank: Member


Joined: 6/21/2010
Posts: 345
Location: easto
githundi wrote:

There isn't a blanket solution to any issue. For avoidance of doubt, he is only supposed to support the family of his ex girlfriend with their concurence, need or no need. It would be inappropriate if the family of his ex requested for his support to his 'daughter ' and he refused.
So it depends, on case by case basis.
And by the way @tnai9,considering that your 'friend ' your friend busted his ex with another man, maybe this girl is not his daughter biologically ....the mother might still be guessing who is the father if she had more than one partner.
Ya dunia ni mengiShame on you Shame on you


That daughter resembles the guy kabisa, seen her photos..plus, the way I know him he may have done a DNA, He is so sure about it. He is capable of anything.
"The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence." ― Charles Bukowski
Obi 1 Kanobi
#109 Posted : Thursday, January 12, 2017 9:11:26 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 7/23/2008
Posts: 2,890
The more I think about this the more I am convinced that Tai9's "friend" has a right to access and support his child.

The Ex's new hubby new very well that the girl existed before he married her, he should have soughted such issues of the girls father's rights, from the sound of things, he does not trust his wife to relate with the X and is now denying the other man access to his child due to personal reasons and not the girls welfare.

May be the courts should settle this, hata mimi I cannot accept another man to tell me when or how or whether I can have access to my child.

Its easy to say here that you should keep of another man's marriage but what if its an abusive marriage where your child is being neglected or abused, how will you ever know if you are kept off.

In fact @Tnai9, your friend should be very worried that his daughter is living with such a selfish man.
"The purpose of bureaucracy is to compensate for incompetence and lack of discipline." James Collins
Ngalaka
#110 Posted : Thursday, January 12, 2017 9:27:27 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 10/29/2008
Posts: 1,317
Obi 1 Kanobi wrote:
The more I think about this the more I am convinced that Tai9's "friend" has a right to access and support his child.

The Ex's new hubby new very well that the girl existed before he married her, he should have soughted such issues of the girls father's rights, from the sound of things, he does not trust his wife to relate with the X and is now denying the other man access to his child due to personal reasons and not the girls welfare.

May be the courts should settle this, hata mimi I cannot accept another man to tell me when or how or whether I can have access to my child.

Its easy to say here that you should keep of another man's marriage but what if its an abusive marriage where your child is being neglected or abused, how will you ever know if you are kept off.

In fact @Tnai9, your friend should be very worried that his daughter is living with such a selfish man.


This thread seems more of an hypothetical question thrown our way fowhatever reasons!

Having said that, considering the situation I would agree 100% with @ obi.

If you have the means and want to give your child the best, nobody should stand in the way.
It is in the best interest of the child too.

Imagine the situation once the girl comes of age and realises that while you gave your other kids the best of education and other care you did not try hard enough to do the same for her!

How do you live with yourself.
Wouldnt the Daughter be justified not to express much love to you!
Isuni yilu yi maa me muyo - ni Mbisuu
hardwood
#111 Posted : Thursday, January 12, 2017 10:41:26 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 7/28/2015
Posts: 5,174
There is alot we can learn from the Obama story. The mother and stepdad should be allowed to raise the child without interference. Infact Obama only became interested in his roots in his adulthood (and was disappointed by what he learnt about his biological father). Otherwise he grew up as a very happy and successful child raised though raised without any influence or input from his biological dad.

Likewise in this case, the daughter should be raised without the biological dad stalking the family and being a nuisance. The daughter can go look for his biological dad in adulthood so as to satisfy her curiosity.



Ngalaka
#112 Posted : Thursday, January 12, 2017 10:53:31 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 10/29/2008
Posts: 1,317
Obama had a disturbed teenage.
He kept wondering why his father had 'left paradise'.
His Mother had to keep making excuses for the Father.
Isuni yilu yi maa me muyo - ni Mbisuu
tnai9
#113 Posted : Thursday, January 12, 2017 10:55:52 AM
Rank: Member


Joined: 6/21/2010
Posts: 345
Location: easto
hardwood wrote:
There is alot we can learn from the Obama story. The mother and stepdad should be allowed to raise the child without interference. Infact Obama only became interested in his roots in his adulthood (and was disappointed by what he learnt about his biological father). Otherwise he grew up as a very happy and successful child raised though raised without any influence or input from his biological dad.

Likewise in this case, the daughter should be raised without the biological dad stalking the family and being a nuisance. The daughter can go look for his biological dad in adulthood so as to satisfy her curiosity.





So the girl will become an "obamaress" if the father keeps off?. He got good schooling - at Harvard- remember and you can get good education only with money..very rarely with scholarships. These are very different situations and Obama is just one successful child out of millions who get derailed. And we are talking about Kenya here not US. situations in the two countries differ seriously
"The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence." ― Charles Bukowski
Obi 1 Kanobi
#114 Posted : Thursday, January 12, 2017 10:56:02 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 7/23/2008
Posts: 2,890
hardwood wrote:
There is alot we can learn from the Obama story. The mother and stepdad should be allowed to raise the child without interference. Infact Obama only became interested in his roots in his adulthood (and was disappointed by what he learnt about his biological father). Otherwise he grew up as a very happy and successful child raised though raised without any influence or input from his biological dad.

Likewise in this case, the daughter should be raised without the biological dad stalking the family and being a nuisance. The daughter can go look for his biological dad in adulthood so as to satisfy her curiosity.





Completely unrelated but I will bite, how then is it that Obama is known as the son of a Kenyan student and not the Indonesian step father.

I thought Obama was raised by his grandparentsShame on you Shame on you Infact Obama barely refers to his step father as an influencer anywhere.

I think this is a case by case thing, some people do not want to acknowledge past missteps and are happy to bury their heads in the sand and pretend their child is not out there. Others accept and want to correct their past missteps and are making concerted efforts to connect with their children.

I know which person I would rather be.
"The purpose of bureaucracy is to compensate for incompetence and lack of discipline." James Collins
Ngalaka
#115 Posted : Thursday, January 12, 2017 11:00:30 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 10/29/2008
Posts: 1,317
At about age 10, Obama left the Step Father's and went to live with his grandparents. From then on, there was almost nil contact with the step dad. His mother kept updating the real Father of the boys development.

Credit goes to the Mum - big time,- for the responsible way she handled the situation.
Always acting in the best interst of the boy.
Isuni yilu yi maa me muyo - ni Mbisuu
Obi 1 Kanobi
#116 Posted : Thursday, January 12, 2017 11:06:27 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 7/23/2008
Posts: 2,890
hardwood wrote:
There is alot we can learn from the Obama story. The mother and stepdad should be allowed to raise the child without interference. Infact Obama only became interested in his roots in his adulthood (and was disappointed by what he learnt about his biological father). Otherwise he grew up as a very happy and successful child raised though raised without any influence or input from his biological dad.

Likewise in this case, the daughter should be raised without the biological dad stalking the family and being a nuisance. The daughter can go look for his biological dad in adulthood so as to satisfy her curiosity.





@Hardwood, here you just scored an own goal, Obama's case is a testament to the bond between a child and his biological parents.

Kama hutaki watoto wako shauri yako.
"The purpose of bureaucracy is to compensate for incompetence and lack of discipline." James Collins
sitaki.kujulikana
#117 Posted : Thursday, January 12, 2017 11:17:18 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 8/25/2012
Posts: 1,672
Impunity wrote:
Angelica _ann wrote:
Impunity wrote:
tnai9 wrote:
Impunity wrote:

I SAID AND REPEAT FOR 1000 TIMES, YOUR FRIEND IS A NERD.


d'oh!

nerd
nərd/
nouninformal
noun: nerd; plural noun: nerds; noun: nurd; plural noun: nurds

a foolish or contemptible person who lacks social skills or is boringly studious.
"one of those nerds who never asked a girl to dance"
synonyms: bore; More
informaldork, dweeb, Poindexter, nimrod, geek, drip, loser;
techie
"the nerds running the world's technology are certainly getting the last laugh"
a single-minded expert in a particular technical field.
"a computer nerd"


Ndio hiyo.


Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly



Furthermore:

Quote:


con·tempt·i·ble
kənˈtem(p)təb(ə)l/
adjective
deserving contempt; despicable.

"a display of contemptible cowardice"

synonyms:
despicable, detestable, hateful, reprehensible, deplorable, unspeakable, disgraceful, shameful, ignominious, abject, low, mean, cowardly,unworthy, discreditable, petty, worthless, shabby, cheap



Laughing out loudly the guy is just stupid
hardwood
#118 Posted : Thursday, January 12, 2017 11:40:09 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 7/28/2015
Posts: 5,174
Obi 1 Kanobi wrote:
hardwood wrote:
There is alot we can learn from the Obama story. The mother and stepdad should be allowed to raise the child without interference. Infact Obama only became interested in his roots in his adulthood (and was disappointed by what he learnt about his biological father). Otherwise he grew up as a very happy and successful child raised though raised without any influence or input from his biological dad.

Likewise in this case, the daughter should be raised without the biological dad stalking the family and being a nuisance. The daughter can go look for his biological dad in adulthood so as to satisfy her curiosity.





Completely unrelated but I will bite, how then is it that Obama is known as the son of a Kenyan student and not the Indonesian step father.

I thought Obama was raised by his grandparentsShame on you Shame on you Infact Obama barely refers to his step father as an influencer anywhere.

I think this is a case by case thing, some people do not want to acknowledge past missteps and are happy to bury their heads in the sand and pretend their child is not out there. Others accept and want to correct their past missteps and are making concerted efforts to connect with their children.

I know which person I would rather be.



Seems that you do not know Obama's history. Obama was born in 1961 and shortly after his mother and Obama snr separated. The mother remarried and Obama was raised by this step dad in the US 1963-1966 and then the stepdad moved the family to his native Indonesia where Obama lived 1967 -1970, and then in 1971 Obama went back to the US to attend school and that is when he started living with his grandparents. And yes Obama has alot of praise for his stepdad as can be seen in Obama's memoirs.

C+P

In 1963, Obama's mother Dunham met Lolo Soetoro, an Indonesian East–West Center graduate student in geography at the University of Hawaii, and the couple were married on Molokai on March 15, 1965. After two one-year extensions of his J-1 visa, Lolo returned to Indonesia in 1966, followed sixteen months later by his wife and stepson in 1967, with the family initially living in a Menteng Dalam neighborhood in the Tebet subdistrict of south Jakarta, then from 1970 in a wealthier neighborhood in the Menteng subdistrict of central Jakarta.

From ages six to ten, Obama attended local Indonesian-language schools: Santo Fransiskus Asisi (St. Francis of Assisi) Catholic School for two years and Besuki Public School for one and a half years, supplemented by English-language Calvert School homeschooling by his mother. During his time in Indonesia, Obama's step-father taught him to be resilient and gave him "a pretty hardheaded assessment of how the world works."

http://europe.newsweek.c...-his-father-88011?rm=eu

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barack_Obama
hardwood
#119 Posted : Thursday, January 12, 2017 12:44:22 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 7/28/2015
Posts: 5,174
Ngalaka wrote:
At about age 10, Obama left the Step Father's and went to live with his grandparents. From then on, there was almost nil contact with the step dad. His mother kept updating the real Father of the boys development.

Credit goes to the Mum - big time,- for the responsible way she handled the situation.
Always acting in the best interst of the boy.


There are always attempts to erase Obama's stepdad from Obama's life history and put all focus on Obama snr. How do you "delete" the man who raised Obama since he was 2yrs and was married to Obama's mother for 15yrs?

Fact is that:

1) Obama was born in 1961 and biological parents separated shortly.
2) Obama's step dad met Obama's mother in 1963 and were officially married from 1965 upto 1980 when they divorced.
3) From 1963-1966 the new family lived in the US when step dad was studying.
4) 1966 stepdad took govt job in Indonesia.
5) In 1967 step dad moved his family from US to Indonesia.
6) Obama was enrolled in local Indonesian language school, but mum was doing home schooling in english.
7) 1970 - Obama's sister Maya Soetoro-Ng was born.
8) In 1971-1979 Obama went to US to study in an english school and attended private school and lived with grandparents. Step dad and mum were paying fees.
9) Obama met his biological dad only once in 1971 in the US at the airport when dad was on transit.
10) From 1972-1975 Obama's mom and sister returned to the US to undertake masters degree and Obama lived with mum and sis.
11) Mother and sis returned to Indonesia for mum to do field work while Obama remained in US to continue with studies.
12) Mother spent next 20yrs in Indonesia
13) Mum divorced step dad in 1980.
14) Stepdad remarried 1981.
15. Mum got PhD in 1992.
16) Obama mum died 1995.

Ngalaka
#120 Posted : Thursday, January 12, 2017 1:06:37 PM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 10/29/2008
Posts: 1,317
hardwood wrote:
Ngalaka wrote:
At about age 10, Obama left the Step Father's and went to live with his grandparents. From then on, there was almost nil contact with the step dad. His mother kept updating the real Father of the boys development.

Credit goes to the Mum - big time,- for the responsible way she handled the situation.
Always acting in the best interst of the boy.


There are always attempts to erase Obama's stepdad from Obama's life history and put all focus on Obama snr. How do you "delete" the man who raised Obama since he was 2yrs and was married to Obama's mother for 15yrs?

Fact is that:

1) Obama was born in 1961 and biological parents separated shortly.
2) Obama's step dad met Obama's mother in 1963 and were officially married from 1965 upto 1980 when they divorced.
3) From 1963-1966 the new family lived in the US when step dad was studying.
4) 1966 stepdad took govt job in Indonesia.
5) In 1967 step dad moved his family from US to Indonesia.
6) Obama was enrolled in local Indonesian language school, but mum was doing home schooling in english.
7) 1970 - Obama's sister Maya Soetoro-Ng was born.
8) In 1971-1979 Obama went to US to study in an english school and attended private school and lived with grandparents. Step dad and mum were paying fees.
9) Obama met his biological dad only once in 1971 in the US at the airport when dad was on transit.
10) From 1972-1975 Obama's mom and sister returned to the US to undertake masters degree and Obama lived with mum and sis.
11) Mother and sis returned to Indonesia for mum to do field work while Obama remained in US to continue with studies.
12) Mother spent next 20yrs in Indonesia
13) Mum divorced step dad in 1980.
14) Stepdad remarried 1981.
15. Mum got PhD in 1992.
16) Obama mum died 1995.



Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly
Isuni yilu yi maa me muyo - ni Mbisuu
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