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Help out a Depressed Sister!
Ngogoyo
#21 Posted : Monday, April 08, 2019 1:19:00 PM
Rank: Member


Joined: 6/22/2011
Posts: 556
Location: House
Trufena wrote:
Thank you all for your response.And did somebody say that people will tend to show me their back.Yes,am all alone in this except my daughter and definitely God.They are the only ones who gives me reason to look for another day.Even my own pastor who has told me that he has reached his limit and so am on my own.He is right coz sincerely there's nothing he can do.Remember I was not doing anything in darkness.At some point,I even invited this Conman to Church and he met the Pastor & an Apostle who was a police CID ,but the guy slipped in our hands just like that.He asked to be given one month to sort out his rent to be able to be access his documents(tittle deed) to enable the transfer but that was the last time we saw him.He even called the mother before us to confirm how the dad is critically sick so I have a feeling that even the parents are involve.I was thinking of tracing their home to talk to parents but I believe it might not help much.

My father died long time ago and its true the r/ship wasn't good since he used to be drunk 24/7.

However,I thank God for one think,loosing my Job is a blessing in disguise since I could have not known the true colors of this conman.I still dont understand why he insisted that I add his name to my childs birth certificate.When I told him that I was going to do name correction with the ministry,he quickly signed an affidavit and gave me a copy of his ID to include him as the father.So I wonder whether he also wanted to steal my daughter as well or this was just meant to fool me around.Fortunately,at that moment I was not convinced that there was love that could lead to marriage.During that period I was only waiting for him to transfer the tittle so that I can cut ties but somehow he was smarter than me.

My only prayer to God now is that he may restore back my Job.I will be able to repay back the loan and provide basic needs for my child which is currently impossible.

But I also have to accept the fact that I dont know how to pray.Am saying so because at the beginning of this r/ship I involve God.I fasted for three days asking God whether it was worth getting into.But am getting my answers when its a bit too late.And remember God does no mistake,so I am the problem or God allowed it to happen for some reasons, I dont know.

I wish I had the capacity to expose the conman in the media so that some of my sisters being conned right now out there may be safe.But again,I fear for my security since the cruel criminal is smart and now I know he can do anything.I remember him saying very well that Jaque Maribe's boyfriend was stupid."How can he madder someone leaving evidence every where,that must have been his first time"


@Trufena.

Let me give you some real life truths.

1.No one owes you any happiness. You seem to be used to outsourcing it to others. Change that and give yourself and your daughter the happiness.

2. Never trust ANYONE 100%. (apart from your mother and child). Always leave benefit of doubt. ALWAYS. Agree to do something but insist on documentation even with your own sister or brother if you have one. Even something smells fishey, trust that. Our minds are very powerful. Its better to retain 100% resocurces than to be left with 50% chasing 200%
3. GOD gave you a brain. Stop bothering him too much. Leave these 'people of God" you are referring to. They are sheep and most are clueless. Learn to trust your instinct and ooh fasting doesn't solve a problem, thinking does and checking options on the table and going with least risky one.
4. Learn to count your losses at times to reduce further losses. Use the losses as lessons or treat them as School of hard knocks fees.

I know you feel down but that's the lowest you can go. take stock of your assets (physical and intangible like skills) and plan a way to make a step every day.

Wishing you well.
Trufena
#22 Posted : Monday, April 08, 2019 4:01:55 PM
Rank: Hello


Joined: 4/6/2019
Posts: 3
Location: Nairobi
Thanks for the advise.This is such a costly experience though.

I've since learned I can file a police report for theft, and that a verbal agreement is still an agreement if I can prove it with witnesses –and the police CID has been clear: I may very well get nowhere.
But what happened to me could have happened to anyone. The manipulation he used was powerful and calculated, and he went looking for women exactly like me.One of them confessed to me that this same guy stole 1m from her as well.This was to enable the guy seek “cancer treatment in India”.While I was taken to view a plot in Kitengela,she was also taken to view one in Eldoret.Since she was working out of town,the conman told her to move to Nairobi so that she can take care of him since he has gone through several operations and is very weak.So the lady shipped all her household items,literally all,furnitures,clothing,kitchenwares,electronics ,tablets etc to the conman and that was the time last time he heard from him.
However,as she is busy paying off the loan she vowed that the conman will one day look for him.She is not for following up with the police since apart from hearbreak,the redicule that comes with it is overwhelming,but she sounded like she will go witchcracraft way.Now this is a no no to me.She also told me that she knows of one guy who this conartist conned 400k.
Personally,I know of around 4 ladies who could most probably be in the same situation but approaching them is rather hard since they might not open up.
As for me I decided to open up coz it’s a step towards my healing.I pray that God will heal me some day.Almost 1.5years ago I almost ended my life,I even wrote a suciadal note to the conman and one to my family .But when I looked at my beautiful girl and remembered few orphans I know,the way they are surffering,then I decided to live for her.Am sure if I died ,the conman could have celebrated since his aim has always been to stress me to death.But I thank God for his mercies. Though the stress is eating me badly. The most painful experience in all these is the day my child shed tears because of hunger. I feel irresponsible and unable to protect her. Even though I have been applying for Jobs ,I haven’t been lucky to get one. The few Interviews I have gone this year haven’t been fruitful as they say that am overqualified. May God open up that door for me that will change my life.
Euge
#23 Posted : Monday, April 08, 2019 4:09:36 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 8/4/2008
Posts: 2,838
Location: Rupi
drogon wrote:
Sister....your post is too long.
If you could summarize please?😰😰


Let a sister be. Writing is good for her healing. And after your parents spend so much money to get you a good education you still have a problem reading? You need to be whipped on your bum.
Lord, thank you!
tycho
#24 Posted : Monday, April 08, 2019 5:34:45 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 7/1/2011
Posts: 8,484
Location: Nairobi
Sorry guys, but this looks like either one of those Eric Berne 'games that people play' or a con in the making.

There's a low truth value to the narrative.
aemathenge
#25 Posted : Monday, April 08, 2019 6:35:33 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 10/18/2008
Posts: 3,058
Location: Kerugoya
tycho wrote:
Sorry guys, but this looks like either one of those Eric Berne 'games that people play' or a con in the making.

There's a low truth value to the narrative.

Ugh! you can be such a spoil sport.
Swenani
#26 Posted : Monday, April 08, 2019 11:08:54 PM
Rank: User


Joined: 8/15/2013
Posts: 13,039
Location: Vacuum
I keep on telling ladies,if you find a man who can't pay his bills and depends on a lady,RUN. Even if you have been married to him for the past for 1000 yrs.

Pesa ya mwanaumme ni ya nyumba ya mwanamke ni yake.
Poverty is the root of all evil
tycho
#27 Posted : Tuesday, April 09, 2019 11:11:50 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 7/1/2011
Posts: 8,484
Location: Nairobi
Swenani wrote:
I keep on telling ladies,if you find a man who can't pay his bills and depends on a lady,RUN. Even if you have been married to him for the past for 1000 yrs.

Pesa ya mwanaumme ni ya nyumba ya mwanamke ni yake.


Kama mwanamke ni nyumba, then this idea makes sense. If not, then maybe we're talking of a very different kind of contract...
tycho
#28 Posted : Tuesday, April 09, 2019 11:13:35 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 7/1/2011
Posts: 8,484
Location: Nairobi
aemathenge wrote:
tycho wrote:
Sorry guys, but this looks like either one of those Eric Berne 'games that people play' or a con in the making.

There's a low truth value to the narrative.

Ugh! you can be such a spoil sport.


Pole. I also don't enjoy disrupting my fantasies. But I have to anyway...
Doombringer
#29 Posted : Wednesday, April 10, 2019 10:46:02 PM
Rank: New-farer


Joined: 2/19/2019
Posts: 22
Location: France
Sorry for what you've gone through sister. Its very depressing to read this long post, but I guess I read through because its touching. Anyway, the bottom line is, you made mistakes, and everyone else makes mistakes. What matters is how you get up and move on with your life. Don't wallow in depression. God has sustained your life and given you a child, think about that before doing anything you'll regret
simonkabz
#30 Posted : Wednesday, April 10, 2019 11:02:26 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 3/2/2007
Posts: 8,732
Location: Cameroon
Swenani wrote:
I keep on telling ladies,if you find a man who can't pay his bills and depends on a lady,RUN. Even if you have been married to him for the past for 1000 yrs.

Pesa ya mwanaumme ni ya nyumba ya mwanamke ni yake.


Swenani Jambo.

Hapo umedunga point ndani yake. Truer words havent been recently spoken. smile
TULIA.........UFUNZWE!
2Czar
#31 Posted : Saturday, June 15, 2019 10:53:06 PM
Rank: New-farer


Joined: 12/28/2018
Posts: 68
Location: Helsingborg, Sweden
You know a good proverb all what is doing fine is doing really really good out there so I think you should be really fine here. You have a kid which will give you good things in the life and that's really it, thanks in advance please. And be carefull with people overall.
Mike Ock
#32 Posted : Sunday, June 16, 2019 1:10:46 AM
Rank: Member


Joined: 1/22/2015
Posts: 646
@Trufena you need to be brutally honest with yourself about why all this has happened. Most ladies are desperate for commitment, but you seem to be way more desperate than most for some reason.

I'm 99% sure that if you are completely honest, you can admit that you probably really loved your kid's father, but you clearly saw he was the non-committal type. Despite this you went ahead to have that kid hoping he would become serious and commit to you eventually. This to me is indicative of an absurd level of desperation for commitment.

Your desperation has now been magnified further by becoming a single mother. The workload is a lot to bear and therefore now finding a loving man who can help ease the load would be like finding water in a desert. This is what the conman noticed in order to select you as a target.

Someone earlier mentioned that some of these psychological phenomena are generational and I agree. You said you had a traumatic childhood when it comes to your father. This might be the root cause of your desperation for commitment and you may be repeating the cycle with your daughter witnessing your dysfunctional relationships first hand.

My advice to you would be to stop sleepwalking through relationships and to be more purposeful about the results you want out of them. Study intersexual dynamics deeply and learn to navigate them with eyes wide open.
2012
#33 Posted : Sunday, June 16, 2019 2:22:36 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 12/9/2009
Posts: 6,523
Location: Nairobi
Trufena wrote:
Thanks,I appreciate the members & admim of Wazua for allowing me to be part of the family.

First and foremost, I have blundered in the past which has led to my depression. Am not reaching out to you for further Insults. It’s only because am human and people do make mistakes that leads to painful experiences.
This is my story. Am a single mother of one child. We had disagreement with my Babby dady which was a matter of principles concerning abortion and we decided to stay a part. So we didn’t marry at all neither has he ever seen his daughter .So I was hurt badly and due to that I took around 5 years to get into another relationship. I didn’t hide anything and told this guy that I have a child. I also told him that am not interested in having sex outside marriage since I don’t want a second baby outside weldlock since am born again. All the he accepted .He said we shall do the Introduction first and then wed if possible.I was so happy thinking that my dreams to finally settle is coming true little did I know that the r/ship was a fraud. This guys was just provoking me to develop feelings for him so that he can take the opportunity to con me of every single thing I ever own on earth including my own child.Ke took advantage of my kindness.
It has take 3 years since we met at work place, so we ware friends first and we used to share a lot.He first took my car.I was hiring it out.I ask him to sign an agreement but he kept on dodging. I Even drafted the document myself but kept on promising that he will sign in vain.That was mistake number one.He paid the first month very well. Then the second month,he told me that he had a sister who was critically sick with cancer and she had to me amputed on the left leg. I slightly doubted but when I checked out the name of FB,I saw the girl and indeed she was sick.So after cutting the leg,he told me that the parents have refused to take her to hospital. That their grandfather died of cancer and warned them never to try to treat the disease as it will only make it worse.So this guy kept on crying in the office that the sister is going to die on his watch. So he went for a court order since the siz was around 18years to force parents to allow the girl for treatment. So he started sourcing for funds. I sympathized with the situation a topped up bank loan on his behalf. Blunder number two.On his side,he promised to give me a plot in Kitengela in exchange.I even went and saw the plot but things were happening very first because he had planned to con me from the word go.Infact,the day I was giving him the cash coz he told me that his account has blocked due to some loan he had taken to treat his sister,I had arranged with my lawyer to draft an agreement for us and let him sign all the documents but shock on me.He lied that this cash is to be sent to the Insurers to renew medical Insurance since the patient had been taken to Italy for treatment.So he promised to sign later that he is going no ware.So when he came back from “Italy” is when he proposed to me.He told me that all his friend have ran away because of the problems he has and am the only one left,so he would wish that we marry since I mean a whole world to him.

However,our earlier agreement will remain intact and once he is settled,he will give me the title dead for transfer.I was so stupid to have believed this lie.He lied that currently the documents are locked in his house since he has a lot of rent arrears due to financial constraint resulting from expensive Cancer treatment.My job ended for some reasons and be also left the work place for other businesses.Upto to now he still claims that the documents are locked which is a lie.I also came to learn that he also conned another lady in the same manner.Thouh the sister passed,but he also lied that he has cancer and has been going through operations like 5 times which is not true.He has never allowed me to know where he lives or his people so tha Issue of Relationship I wrote off long time ago.But I have been trying to hold my peace if I can recover anything all this time but the chances are minimal.This was just a conman but I realized to late.

What can I do fellow Wazuans? Am stressed beyong.Jobless and losing all that I ever worked hard for


You said it. He is a conman. Disengage,run. Try get your asset/s back through legal means. But I can bet you that you're not the only girl in his life or the only one he's conning.

Stand for something or you will fall for anything. Today's mighty oak is yesterday's nut that held its ground. Rosa Parks
Rollout
#34 Posted : Monday, June 17, 2019 8:47:35 PM
Rank: Member


Joined: 4/26/2011
Posts: 714
First, God has no role on this, the sooner you stop involving God in your daily life choices the better for you. If God is indeed there, I am very sure he will have more important problems to solve than you dating choices, i.e. He will probably be working on Cancer treatment instead.

Secondly, Because of your constant outsourcing of your choices to emotional, superstitious believe system, you refuse to use the common sense that God probably gave you and would like you to use it.

Third, If you have to pray and fast for a relationship then you are crazy.
Mseto binti
#35 Posted : Tuesday, June 18, 2019 12:43:57 AM
Rank: Member


Joined: 3/9/2012
Posts: 144
Rollout wrote:
First, God has no role on this, the sooner you stop involving God in your daily life choices the better for you. If God is indeed there, I am very sure he will have more important problems to solve than you dating choices, i.e. He will probably be working on Cancer treatment instead.

Secondly, Because of your constant outsourcing of your choices to emotional, superstitious believe system, you refuse to use the common sense that God probably gave you and would like you to use it.

Third, If you have to pray and fast for a relationship then you are crazy.


@Rollout.... u mean no fasting for the good mighty baba to rain men on Amina trufena😫😖
I found meaningful work🤓
Sagamand863
#36 Posted : Sunday, August 04, 2019 4:44:59 PM
Rank: New-farer


Joined: 5/11/2019
Posts: 21
You seem like really seek happiness in some other people not in yourself, that's why you expect something from someone else and then you really do that much in any direction of your life and by not getting good reaction from people start to complain.
FRM2011
#37 Posted : Monday, August 05, 2019 11:12:53 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 11/5/2010
Posts: 2,383
Sagamand863 wrote:
You seem like really seek happiness in some other people not in yourself, that's why you expect something from someone else and then you really do that much in any direction of your life and by not getting good reaction from people start to complain.


This summarizes the whole problem.

People need to learn to be selfish. To love themselves more than anything else on earth including their own kids.

That way, you take charge of your happiness.

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